It is 1:00 p.m. and here I sit drinking cold coffee I made at 8:00 a.m. this morning. I need to write today. I should be napping, cleaning, eating...doing a million other things, but I am choosing to write. I need my therapy today. Today has been a normal day, but I keep feeling this urge to write .I feel it deep within my bones.
I feel very raw today, you know when you get a sunburn and every little thing hurts when it touches your skin. Even the wind blowing makes it feel like razors across your back....I feel like I have a sunburn on my heart right now. My heart just hurts today. It could be because life just has a way of doing that sometimes, doesn't it? People disappoint you, plans fall through, friends move away, yet you have so much to be thankful for that it feels selfish to be anything but thankful.
So today I noticed something about myself. When I feel my heart is under attack, I don't stop moving. I try anything to distract myself of the feelings inside. I spent 30 minutes trying to build a Godzilla sized fort for my two girls which they knocked down in 30 seconds. I didn't want a spare second to be free to reflect on the battle within my heart, but is that really what God wants of me? Why am I not going to Him with my heart? Why am I not giving Him control of my heart and what I do with it? That worried me that somehow in my last year of being in my twenties, I forgot what my Heavenly Father is truly capable of.
I am glad I got a chance to get this out, but I feel cold cup of coffee date with the Creator of my heart, the Keeper of my secrets, the One who knows all things and I know exactly where to find Him.
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